Goodbye My Little Sascha Push ... no more pitbull fights for you

Ok ... I am so fucking mad at life! Barely 2 weeks, 2 fucking weeks of trying to piece my life together and it dumps all over me again. We lost Finney earlier this year and just before our holiday, it was almost touch and go with Sascha, but he pulled through the little trooper. So why did it have to end like this. I want to unsee the X-ray with that impossibly ugly crack, unopen the door to let him limp on forward across hardwood floors, unhold his frail body as I took him out into the cold wet night, uncall him as he struggled to crawl back towards my voice and into the warmth of the house, unfeed him all those years when he started sniffing out company in our backyard, unhand him as I punched walls out of frustration at finding yet another puddle of pee in the corner of the bathroom ... forgive me Sascha ... even then I knew I would have to come to live with the regret.

This is the life
Everyone has to be somewhere
I am here
Testing a dream
The pressure of dreams is the killer
Of dreams
And it only gets harder

This is the life
This is the life
This is my life

Time is the monster
All of us fight the same monster
To win
I scream when I breathe
Fearing that worry will trigger
All my fears

And it only gets harder

(How did I get so serious?)

This is the life
This is the life
This is the life
This is my life

Everyone has to do something
I am here
Doing what I do best

But this is the life
This is the life
This is the life

(This is the Life - Wendy & Lisa)